What Lyme and Hashimoto’s have taught me
There are so many cliche things I can say about having a chronic illness. But it’s so dang true! I have learned more in the past 7 years than I have in all the other years I have been alive (which is only 22, since I am 29..wink wink).
- Let’s start with my favorite one. Slow the Fack down! Anyone in my life can tell you I lived a fast life. For most of my life I worked 2 jobs, begging my mom to start working at 14. I worked out like crazy – marathons, triathalons… Drank like a fish. Drove so friggin fast (if you ever want to hear a good story , ask me about my speeding ticket on my crotch rocket). Worked stressful and fast paced jobs. Cleaned my house, my car, worked in the yard, all the time. Like seriously, go go go. I am exhausted just thinking about it. When I first got my auto immune diagnosis I thought I could heal “as fast as possible”. Again with this fast paced attitude. I would race around to all of my appointments and then zip into work, work really hard, then race home. I finally hit a wall. I realized I couldn’t heal by going after it like I did everything else in my life. I had to STOP. I quit my job and didn’t work for a couple of years. I would like to say that first year off work was beautiful. But it was shit. Absolute shit. I cried and slept most of it. I had wanted to do all this cool stuff, knowing I wasn’t going back to work for a bit but I couldn’t get off the damn couch. This was one of my lowest points. It was that year that I realized how hard I had pushed myself. My body could no longer take it. I was forced to give it the rest I deprived it of for years. But it taught me so much. It taught me how much healing there is in the quiet times. In the stillness you feel your body talking to you. In the silence you can hear your soul speak. Of course this was extremely uncomfortable at first as this was the first time I had ever done this. But now it’s how I return to myself, to my soul.
- Reducing stress where possible. You can read more about how I do some of this here. When you make a conscious effort to reduce stress, it frees up space in your life. It reduces the stress on your nervous system and allows more room to cope with the unavoidable stress that life hands us.
- Life is beautiful. I am embracing it in whatever fashion I am able. And with Intention. Some of the days I am too exhausted to do much (these days are less often as I heal…yay!). On these days I actually get a kick out of watching silly shows on tv. But I do it with intention. I do it to let my brain off the hook for thinking, and for laughter, and then my friends and I can gossip about it (connection matters). I know that’s a silly example, but it’s all about intention.
- Listen to my body. There is a saying “If you listen to your body when it whispers, you won’t have to listen when it screams.” I obviously missed that memo at first, but now I’ve got it. Our bodies have the answers. Our bodies are wise beyond belief. Beyond any “expert”, any doctor. Obviously I am not talking about surgeries, etc (okay, calm down, Karen). I am talking about checking in with our bodies on a regular basis. I have even gotten a little “woowoo” on this and physically put my hands on my thyroid, etc. to see what it has to say. I have gotten some very clear and crazy intense messages this way – about some deep trauma and things I wasn’t even aware of. I was in my therapist’s office once talking about my back pain and the fact that I never had back pain. I put my hand over the spot and spewed horrible words/thoughts. It was so intense I almost threw up. And amazingly, that back pain that was there for 5 days disappeared on the spot. No lie. And, surprisingly, I didn’t even know how intense I felt about that issue until that experience.
- Returning to Nature. Okay, maybe this is my favorite one. For the answers that are not within myself, I turn to Nature. Just by listening to the sounds of birds our nervous systems can be moved into parasympathetic. Trees speak to each other, so maybe we are picking up on those messages when we are around trees and that’s why we feel so good after a hike in the woods. The term “tree hugger” comes from somewhere, right?
- Work through trauma. (least favorite but most important) We all have trauma. If it’s not ours specifically, it was passed on to us. I thought my whole life I was tough and didn’t need to address any of the shit I dealt with as a kid. Boy, was I wrong. At this point I have been working on some of the same shit for 7+ years and can’t get passed it. But I keep going and I keep looking these ugly feels in the face. I do end up feeling lighter after the heaviness. But man, oh man, is it a bumpy ride. I am a full believer that you cannot heal chronic illness if you do not work on healing your trauma. This is a non-negotiable. Heal those wounds, cry those big tears, forgive forgive forgive. Did I mention forgiveness? Forgive your mom, your dad, anyone that did you wrong, and most importantly forgive yourself. Shake off anger, punch your madness into a punching bag, do whatever you need to do to move through the ish. For so many years I though I was fine without addressing these things. It turns out my body was just holding onto all of the emotions I didn’t have the balls (or knowledge) to deal with. The very first practitioner I found when I started focusing on healing was my therapist. I know this was a blessing as this is where I needed the most help (unknowingly to me at the time).
- Laughter is medicine. Last, but not least, laugh. Why is this so hard sometimes?!?! We all could use a good laugh!! I purposely try to work in funny shit because otherwise life, adulting, aging can get the best of me. I watch funny shows on tv, we go to stand up comedy (the raunchier the better). The biggest thing that allows me to heal is laughing at myself and not taking shit so seriously. Laughing is underrated as a healing tool. This should actually be at the top of the list. We all should try to find ways to get back to laughing and having fun. Some of you have seen it…I like to rap. I wish I was good at it. In another lifetime I want to come back as a freestyle rapper or a beatboxer. For now I rap (poorly) just because it makes me laugh and rap music brings me so much joy. I also just like to be weird and do fun shit that kids do. Maybe that’s also helping me heal my inner child (or my inner rapper).
I feel like a lot of the things I have learned are just bringing me back to the basics and that’s what I love about this adventure. I crave a more simple life. And it’s in the simplicity that I find healing.
Thanks for tuning in,
EZ E
