It’s okay to not be a parent. I feel like there is so much pressure on us to have kids. And quite frankly it makes everything weird.
My husband and I don’t have kids. We wanted kids, but we don’t have kids and it’s okay. It’s okay to talk about it. It’s okay to ask. We should all allow each other a little more grace around this topic.
Life changes. Where we are at now isn’t necessarily where we thought we were going to be when were 15. And it’s okay.
I sometimes find myself in this weird spot, not talking about this topic. There are so many emotions around it and nobody knows what to ask or how to ask it. I recently asked someone with a 3-week-old how she was doing as a new mom. Was she able to get some sleep, etc? Only to find out her baby died at 2-weeks-old. I also asked a new dad how their 7-month-old was doing and how they are in the new parenting world. Only to find out their baby has a very rare genetic disorder that they haven’t fully grasped as parents. These are two very very difficult conversations that I led us into.
I don’t know where to go from here. Does it mean I stop talking to expectant mothers in fear something is going to happen to the pregnancy? Does it mean I don’t check in on new parents in support of their new family? I don’t think so. I think we all just keep loving on the people in our lives and talk about this stuff. I think we offer each other grace when we ask stupid questions or hard questions with hard answers. I think we offer grace when someone says something out of nervousness. Because a world of not talking leads us into a world of less opportunity for support. It doesn’t mean that if you are having a difficult time you need to force yourself to talk about it. Those boundaries are there for you to set and for us to respect. I think it just goes back to grace and love.
We would have been really facking good parents. I mean really good. But we are okay with not having kids. I spent years on the couch with no energy and that’s when I realized we weren’t going to have children. I was too sick to be the mom I knew I could be. It would have put so much pressure on my husband. He would have had to go to work and bust his butt all day, only to come home and take care of me and the baby and the messy house and make dinner and do laundry. And I didn’t want that life for either of us.
The more I learn about my health the more I know it wasn’t meant for me to bear children. Not in this lifetime anyways. And guess what…sometimes it is a little sad. BUT my life isn’t sad. We do a lot of cool shit. Even better, we can spoil our dogs like they deserve to be spoiled. I know this sounds a little cray cray but we started going on road trips so we could bring Luna to water that she wasn’t allergic to (she is allergic to all water around here in the Midwest). She had so much fun on our first road trip that we kept doing it. She was a seasoned vet by the time Miley came along and she showed Miley how it’s done. We are the best road-trippin’ family and we absolutely love our adventures. And you know what, our life is pretty rad…kids or no kids…so it’s okay. And I am completely fine talking about it. People are always nervous to talk about the “kids” topic but it doesn’t have to be weird. I think people with kids love their kids so much that they couldn’t imagine life without them. I mean, that’s how I would be if I had kids. I feel that people sometimes pity me when I tell them we don’t have kids. But it’s okay, we are doing fine, there is a whole other world not having kids. We travel very easily and frequently. We pack up to go to the lake at a last minute’s notice. We can afford to live off of one salary. We relax, we get good sleep, and we still have fun.
It seemed fitting to post this on Mother’s Day. I would encourage people to be open to offering more grace around this topic and more understanding but not more silence. And just because someone doesn’t have children don’t assume their life is sad.
On the other hand… it might get weird when I am old and in a nursing home and I don’t have my own kin to come visit me. So, please send your kids to come visit if that happens! Please and thank you!
In love,
EZ
