I last wrote about my Healing Adventure in August. I am still clipping along with my Lyme Homeopathics. I will be done with those in January. With regards to any sort of set “protocol” that I was on…I can confidently say I have completely abandoned any set plan/protocol/schedule. I never liked to be put in a box anyways…haha. “Nobody puts Baby in a corner” (I don’t know why that just came to my brain).
I can also confidently say I have hit my wit’s end with my healing. Don’t worry, I am not giving up…I go through this once (maybe twice) a year. I just get discouraged from working so hard on my health and making such little progress. This might be a good opportunity for me to be clear about something. When I bring up the not-so-positive side of healing, it’s because I am here to keep it real. It is definitely possible to have fun while healing and I like to show that portion of this adventure; however, it’s not all rainbows and butterflies and I am here to show all of the sides of healing. When I am having a pity party, it’s not to bring anyone else down with me, or look to you to join my pity party. It’s just cuz sometimes healing is really facking hard. That’s all. Some days I just sit in the hard times and that’s okay. So please don’t feel pressure to have to say the “right” thing or know exactly what to do. I don’t even know what to do on those bad days…usually a good show, or a walk, a nap, and a good night’s sleep is all I need. Tomorrow is always a new day.
This round of frustration led me to doing more labs. I did a very detailed base panel through a blood draw. A very detailed Gastrointestinal (GI) test through stool. A detailed hormone panel through urine and saliva. At this point, if it is a bodily function, I have scooped it up/collected it and mailed it in! In the August article I wrote about my menstrual cycle and as I continued to press into that, wondering why it is so painful I just kept going. Enters Rabbit Hole! Hormones are not the root cause, so I kept looking into what could be my root cause. That led me to the GI test to see if my gut was the root cause. And I did the base panel labs just to see if I was missing anything obvious. The hormone panel was done even though I know it’s not the root cause, but because I wanted to see what I can do to support my hormones while healing the root cause (whatever that may be).
I have all lab results back at this time, with the exception of the hormone results. I am contemplating doing a blog post to outline what I found on each lab test only because I find it so fascinating, so I am thinking someone else might too..? For now, this is where I am at with the labs I have gotten back~
My labs are NOT indicative of someone who’s sole purpose over the past 7 years has been “healing”. This is beyond frustrating. But if I get out of my head and look at my labs from a high level here’s what I see…. I see someone dealing with trauma at a cellular level. I see an immune system that has been very confused, over-burdened, and stuck in fight or flight for a long ass time. When I take the symptoms out of the picture, I see someone who has endured too much AND the pain is not all hers. There is a level of generational trauma that has been passed along and it is showing up in the body.
I am actually getting tired of the word “trauma” but I don’t think this word is going away anytime soon. The more I learn about it the more it makes sense that it’s going to continue to build generation after generation until we all start doing the hard Work and healing our emotional/spiritual selves. The fact that it is being recognized now is beautiful, as that is where we start the healing process. The generations prior did not know how important it was to talk about things or heal from hard times, so they “stuffed it”… “ignored it”. But what they were really doing was holding it in their cells and passing it on to the next cells coming into existence – our parents. Our parents didn’t know how to deal with any of this either so they “stuffed it” and passed along the previous generation’s trauma, as well as their own, onto us, compounding over time. Until we normalize dealing with hardships, and encourage healing at an emotional/soul/cellular level, this pattern will continue to be passed on to future generations.
As for me personally…
Little Erin was created in a body full of chronic illness and trauma (bad, icky trauma…passed along by many generations). Little Erin was carried through the gestational period in A LOT of stress, and she was born sick. The lifelong struggle with fight or flight, anxiety and way too facking much stress for her little body is evident when I look at my labs today. THAT, my friends, is the root cause of my illness. THAT is why 7+ fucking years of healing has not budged my numbers much. It doesn’t matter whether my Vitamin D is at 30 or 80. It doesn’t matter if I have too much estrogen. It doesn’t matter if I have a certain type of bacteria throwing my system off. It doesn’t matter if my Hashimoto’s might look worse, or if I am now showing signs of Celiac and SIBO. What matters is that my soul needs to heal. My cells need a break from the constant stress from the time I was just a cell inside my mom, inside my grandma. My nervous system needs to know what it’s like to be safe. My soul is in need of something other than a supplement, something other than a gluten-free diet, something more than an extensive detox program. Don’t get me wrong, all of these things are helping; but my soul needs more. Little Erin needs more.
Soooooo, that should be easy…smh. I actually have no idea where to go with this. I am contemplating flying to the jungle to take mushrooms and inject myself with frog saliva. Swinging naked from the trees and bathing in monkey pee. Coating myself in mud from ancient times and rinsing in the ocean of ancestor’s tears. I am opening myself up for this soul healing conquest so we’ll see where 2023 brings me. I hope it brings me some relief. I hope it brings some forward momentum. I hope it brings me back to myself… back to Little Erin so I can hug her and show her she is safe.
From my soul to yours,
With Love
Little E
