On Keeping My Last Name
My name is…What? My name is… Who?…My name is chika-chika Slim Shady. Now that we all have that killer song in our heads =) we’ll move into why I kept my last name when I got married. I had this post drafted up a while ago and this topic has been coming up in conversations lately. I also just celebrated my 10-year anniversary with hubby so it seemed like a fitting time to post it.
I don’t think everyone knows that I kept my last name when I got married. Which is a) cool, as it means people are caring less about this, and/or b) people assume I changed it. I know keeping my last name is probably offensive or weird to some people. But in a way, I think it’s weird that we assume women should change their last name when they get married. I remember getting a card in the mail shortly after getting married. It was addressed Mr. & Mrs…..then my husbands first and last name. I was like, “wait, I don’t even have a first name anymore.”
I know I married the right person when he didn’t challenge me on this topic and was actually fully supportive. I remember going to a wedding with an ex and asking about the name on the card “Do we know if she is changing her last name?” It was a completely innocent question, to which he replied “If she’s not then she can go eff herself.” Hmmm, yup, that was one of many reasons that relationship was never going to work out. Without dragging you through the mud on that, and my [many] other failed relationships, I digress.
I didn’t keep my last name for any dramatic reason, it just didn’t feel right for me. For me, it felt extremely weird to be known as someone my whole life, until I meet some shlup (jk, my hubs isn’t a shlup) then I am going to be called something different. My Dad has no sons so our last name is finished with us girls. So I can at least carry it on for a little bit longer.
I also heard from my girlfriends who got married before me that it’s a huge pain in the ass to get your name changed. I am too lazy for that. And I definitely didn’t want to try to get it done before going out of the Country for our honeymoon, so it was going to have to wait anyways.
This is probably the main reason I wanted to keep my name, and it’s the most personal. My mom has been married 3 times, so she’s had FOUR last names. Not that I expect to get married more than once, but how do you stay connected to yourself going through that many name changes? And it’s been interesting to see her morph for each husband/last name. That doesn’t happen to everyone , but this is what I grew up with and it has left an impression on me. I have been very solid in being who I am my whole life. Keeping my last name helps to keep my identity, in a way, I guess.
You could argue that a name doesn’t change your identity. I get that and it’s worth mentioning that I have no qualms what-so-ever with women changing their last names when they get married. It’s also worth mentioning that someone could have grown up in a family they can’t wait to separate from. And that name change is a big step for them. I get that too. I am in no way claiming I know know what the right thing to do is. Hubs and I chatted about him taking my last name, or us combing our names and coming up with something fun. For us, what we decided to do works. If we were to have had children that would have brought up a whole other challenge. Do they take his name (then I appear on paper as the stepmom)? Do they take my name? Both our names, in a hyphenated last name? One of our last names as the middle name? I don’t think there is a right answer here, except to do what feels right in your heart and what works for your family. And be understanding of people with what they choose to do, knowing a lot of thought goes into it.
Maybe we should have just changed both our names to “EZ”. I like that =)
Stay EZ out there,
EZ E
