I started this final leg of my detox in late March. You can read about it here. Man, was I positive and excited!!
This final phase of my detox has been a long time coming, considering it’s 4ish months long and I technically should have already been done. This portion of the protocol focuses on killing lyme and detoxing heavy metals. I blew through the first 2 (of 4) lyme tinctures and was totally kicking ass in the first couple of weeks.
And then I hit a wall… hard. I was so facking utterly exhausted. The shitty buzzy feeling in my body came back. The best way I can describe when I am really sick is that it feels like I am being gently, but continuously, electrocuted. I can’t get away from the feeling, it follows me everywhere when I am sick – especially to bed. This makes it difficult to sleep and when you are sick you are supposed to sleep. I had a couple of nights where my heart was pounding so hard it would keep me from falling asleep and then if I was lucky enough to finally fall asleep, my thunderous heartbeat would jolt me awake. Some of my other symptoms have crept up during this difficult time: feelings of anxiety from within my body, like I am constantly unsettled. My monthly cycle cramps = debilitating. And depression/bad thoughts have crept back in.
So I did something rebellious. I quit my supplements cold turkey. I later learned that wasn’t the best idea. But I was desperate. I met with my practitioner shortly after and we came up with a plan for a “relaxed version” of my supplements for now. No heavy metal focus. No lyme tinctures. No heavy duty binders. No parasite cleansing. We decided to do the bare minimum supplements to keep things moving out of my body (cuz obvi I was stirring up some shiz) but not doing any deep detoxing. And I am “feathering” in some homeopathic drainage support to get things moving that have been stirred up.
This was beyond frustrating for me at first. I really just want to get through this protocol so I can go back to some sort of a normal life, without being married to all of the supplements. BUT then I started to see a shift a little bit. Now don’t get me wrong, I am still not feeling 100% but any improvement is all I am looking for on this healing adventure. Over this past full moon I took very minimal parasite supplements and for only one day. My body passed a lot of weird stuff. I am learning through this that sometimes “more” isn’t always “better.” It’s like I just gave my body a break from the stress of the deep detoxing and my body was able to do some of this healing on its own. That is simply beautiful!!
If I have learned anything, it’s that I NEED to listen to my body and I can’t force healing. Healing happens on its own time. And quite honestly I have learned that my body knows the rate at which it can handle healing. It’s not whether or not I can push through it mentally, it’s my body deciding the timeframe. My body knows when I am ready to go to the next layer of healing. My body knows how long I have been sick for and how much healing actually needs to be done. My body is in charge of this healing adventure. I am along for the ride (as a supportive vessel). But out of respect for my body, I need to let it do its thing, and at its own pace. WOOF…this is a difficult lesson. And for someone that is a control freak this is really difficult to do. I will sit here for a bit until I am mentally and physically prepared to pick up the full/deeper protocol again. It took a hot minute to wrap my head around this pace. But I am okay with it. Really, truly.
Another surprise during this portion of my healing adventure is that generational trauma keeps surfacing. So this has been emotional fuckary. Like, how do I even do this? And what do I do with this information? Although, I have said it all along…I feel like the trauma I hold in my body isn’t just mine. It’s mine + my mom’s + those before her. It feels way too heavy to be just mine.
So now I sit back and listen. I listen to my body. I listen to my heart. They guide the way through this journey. It doesn’t matter that I wanted to be done by mid-June. I can’t put a timeframe on this healing. That will only add additional pressure.
So here’s me…Type A/get-shit-done/over-achiever…just trying to learn how to go with the flow. Don’t you feel like so many of life’s lessons come back to this? Easier said than done, ammiright?
Listen to your body
Listen to your heart
Go with the flow
Onto the next adventure,
EZ
